Do your family have children who always don’t listen? When this happened, will you feel depressed and often have negative thoughts.
Is there a problem with my child? Or what went wrong? Is that my fault?
Not to worry, there’s always a solution for everything and the key is “motivation”. The most important reason is that children have no “intrinsic motivation” listening to you, sooner or later this will become a habit.
Top 5 things Children just don’t listen
- Children usually have a lot of excuse when you ask them to go to bed
- When you say, “Don’t touch!” but they still touch it
- “Do your homework now” ， but they will just ignore
- “Go take your shower now”, but always reply with “later”
- Refuse to wash their hand before eating
Motivation usually come from interest, sense of accomplishment or “demand”
Take these scenarios as an example,
- A child wants to play every facility in an amusement park (the need of satisfaction)
- But he/she worried that there is no way to play everything in time (anxiety due to demand)
- So he/she will start planing and study the map (pursue behavior)
- Until he/she is able to play all the rides (satisfy the needs)
- He/she will then be happy (reduce of anxiety)
Have you notice that this is a cycle and very different from the “process” of being called to do their homework?
This is simply because “playing” is motivated and there is no motivation to do what is supposed to be done.
Yes! Simple as that! If there is a “demand”, there is a “motivation”. If a child has a need, he/she may felt “nervous” in the beginning, but then “some behavior” will be made to let he/she to accomplish, and the satisfaction will then reduce their anxiety.
The parents will first need to build the needs of children in order to motivate them.
Basically, there are 2 type of “motivation”
“intrinsic motivation” – parents hope their children can initiative and be more responsibility.
For example, children will first finish their homework before playing, keep all their toys after playing without any incentive.
“extrinsic motivation” – parents use incentives or reward or threaten to motivate/force their children, in other word, punishment or reward for something.
For example, reward for doing their homework or threaten them for keeping their toys.
So what your child really wants?
- Stimulation (Excitement)
- Satisfaction (Sense of accomplishment)
- Demand (Desire)
- Anxiety/Worried (Need)
Always encourage your child to be “affirmed” to in order to motivate him/her. Most of the time, children need to be affirmed, they need the sense of accomplishment. However, most parents often do not see what the child is thinking, as what they see is what they want.
So, in order for a child to have “intrinsic motivation”, he/she must first be given some incentives, so that he/she will be motivated “oh i can do it” “oh i can do that” “oh if i do this my parents will be proud of me”
Sooner or later, this will be come a habit and the child will take the initiative to do what is suppose to be done.